


I go crazy (cause here isn't where I wanna be)

by Duckiesurprise



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, fake engagement au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 05:06:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4167069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duckiesurprise/pseuds/Duckiesurprise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla proposed to her best friend Laura as a joke, to get her mother off her back. What happens when Carmilla's mom thinks it's serious and Carmilla is too afraid to tell her the truth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I go crazy (cause here isn't where I wanna be)

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a tumblr prompt 'i proposed to you as a joke but my mom (who’s been wanting me to settle down) thought it was serious and we’re kind of going along with it until we can break it to her gently'
> 
> Started as a challeneg between uncreativename (kaitlynsgonnakait) to write in a different POV than we're used to. I've never missed 2nd person so much.
> 
> Also this might have a companion piece written from Laura's POV

_ This is a disaster . _

 

Originally, when she proposed to Laura  _ as a  joke _ at one of her mother’s charity galas, Carmilla thought that it would be funny and they would all have a few laughs.

 

Laura has been her best friend since the second day of kindergarten when, after watching one of the bigger kids steal her would-be best friend’s lollipop she shoved his face in the dirt during recess. Laura was tiny, the tiniest kid in the class, and although Carmilla herself wasn’t much bigger she still took it upon herself to stand up for the girl.

 

Her kicked puppy expression has only gotten more potent with time and Carmilla still feels the same urge to stand up for her best friend, but over the years Laura’s confidence has grown, as well as her stubbornness and her bravery. Knowing Laura can stand up for herself has mostly left Carmilla watching in awe as Laura solves her own problems and only stepping in when her impulsiveness and insatiable curiosity inevitably get her in more trouble than she bargained for.

 

The mess that they currently find themselves in, however, is pretty much all Carmilla’s doing. Her mother has been hounding her for years to settle down. She said she wants Carmilla to take over the family company when she retires and she wants to know Carmilla is taken care of after she is gone, which is not something she can trust will happen when Carmilla has her head in the stars.

 

Maybe Mother has a point, and maybe Carmilla does need to get her head out of the clouds from time to time, but she’s a grown woman who can make her own dating decisions and she simply doesn’t find anyone to be worth her time. The only person she can really put up with is Laura.

 

Which is why, when her mother held another one of her charity galas and paraded Carmilla around to all the eligible singles like a prized cow at the county fair, Carmilla found Laura in the middle of the dance floor and got down on one knee and proposed. In front of everyone.

 

Sure Laura was confused but, after a minute of nonverbal communication, she cottoned on to the plan and responded effusively. Carmilla is sure it would have all been quite funny if her mother had understood that it was a joke, and a protest, rather than wrap them both in a hug and go on and on about how she  _ knew it all along and  of course you were together, best friends don’t spend as much time together as you two  _ and  _ I don’t understand why you felt you had to keep it a secret, especially being roommates, as if that’s not suspicious and  I’m just so happy you’re finally going to settle down Carmilla _ and of course the real kicker  _ there’s no better person for you than Laura. _

 

Of course at that point it could have all been salvaged if Carmilla’s mother hadn’t decided that it would be a great idea to announce to everyone at the gala that her daughter was finally off the market and that she couldn’t be happier to officially welcome Laura into the family, at which point seemingly every person in attendance went up to the new couple to offer their congratulations.

 

As the night went on and more and more people congratulated them, what was supposed to be a joke turned into a nightmare. Carmilla’s mother kept introducing her and Laura to people and smiling bigger and brighter every minute. Despite all the disagreements she has had with her mother, Carmilla couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt at seeing her mounting happiness at what was essentially a charade and knowing she would have to tell her the truth sooner rather than later.

 

The only problem was that the time for the truth never came and not only did Laura’s smile grow more forced as the night went on, but the grip she had on Carmilla’s hand kept getting stronger. Carmilla knew Laura was mad without asking; they knew each other better than anyone and could have full conversations without ever speaking a word. At that moment it was only serving to make Carmilla more apprehensive about the situation she had unwittingly put them in.

 

She thought she would have a chance to tell her mother the truth once the gala was over and all the guests left, but then her mother hugged her and Laura again and said how happy she was  _ again . _ Carmilla couldn’t find it in her heart to tell her it wasn’t real, not to mention her mother’s wrath was legendary. If she was honest, Carmilla was a bit scared to reveal the charade. Instead she convinced Laura to keep up the act for a little bit until the euphoria passed and Carmilla could safely confess it had all just been a harmless joke.

 

\--

 

That was how she found herself pacing in front of her mother’s closed study nearly two months later. It seems the euphoria never wore off for her mother and soon after the gala, her and Laura found themselves going to cake tastings, and picking flower arrangements, and sorting through wedding invitation templates. If Laura wanted to kill her, she had definitely masked her murderous intentions well.

 

To be honest, Laura had been nothing short of wonderful through it all. She had been understandably upset when Carmilla’s mother had thrown them a surprise engagement party and seemingly invited every person they had ever met, including Laura’s father and all their college friends, whom they had not told of the fake engagement. 

 

They had been lounging around their apartment when, almost simultaneously, Laura’s phone went off with several text notifications and the doorbell rang. While Laura checked her phone, Carmilla had gone to answer the door only to be met with none other than Laura’s father who said  _ there’s my future daughter-in-law  _ and proceeded to pick her up off her feet.

 

Once he set her down he rushed to do the same to Laura, who was standing in the middle of the apartment, white as a sheet and clutching her phone to her chest. Her panicked eyes met Carmilla’s across the apartment, conveying her shock and disappointment at having her dad involved in their lie. Before either Carmilla or Laura could get a word in, he released Laura and began talking a mile a minute, both gushing about the engagement and admonishing them for not telling him and letting him find out through Carmilla’s mother calling him up to make sure he would be attending the engagement party that she was throwing the following night.

 

An engagement party that neither of them had known about until Laura’s phone started blowing up with texts from their friends, and her dad’s announcement. Laura had barely moved since her dad released her from the hug and the more he said about how  _ happy I am to see you two finally get together  _ and  _ I had almost stopped holding out hope you two would realize how perfect you are for each other _ and  _ Carmilla there is no one I trust more with my Laura than you  _ and  _ I only wish Laura’s mom was here to share in this, she would have been so happy _ , the more Laura’s face crumpled.

 

Carmilla couldn’t take seeing Laura so sad, especially because of something she started, so she blurted out the truth in one breath. Both Laura and her father looked at her in shock as she looked back at them, her face turning red in shame. Laura was the first to speak, turning to her father and spewing apologies one right after the other until he raised his hand for her to stop. 

 

_ It’s all my fault _ ,  Carmilla had said,  _ I was trying to play a joke on Mother and Laura was playing along and everything just spun way out of control and Mother was so excited and I was going to tell her, but ... _ she shrugged and looked back down in shame  _ I’m sorry you got involved in this Mr. Hollis. _

 

Laura had held her breath, waiting for her father to yell at them or do something, but he just looked at them sadly and said he was disappointed because  _ I was really looking forward to having you as a daughter-in-law Carmilla . _

 

He hugged Laura again to ease her anxiety and told them he would play along at the engagement party the following day because  _ you definitely don’t want to come clean to your mom after she spent all that money to throw you two a fancy party, maybe wait a little bit . _

 

The following night at the engagement party they mingled with their friends, holding hands and coming up with some bullshit story as why they didn’t tell anyone they were dating, which everyone seemed to buy, and Laura’s father kept to his word to play along. If they didn’t know any better, they would never know he was pretending not to know the truth. Carmilla’s mother was overjoyed the whole night and at one point she even hugged Laura’s father before gathering everyone for a toast that resulted in a chant for the girls to kiss.

 

With Carmilla frozen, Laura took the reins and pulled her in for a convincingly loving kiss between a happy engaged couple. Amid the applause and cheering, Carmilla pulled Laura to her and whispered a fervent  _ thank you _ in her ear.

 

Laura had dealt with Carmilla’s mother with grace and patience and she had afforded Carmilla the opportunity to work up the nerve to tell her mother the truth when she was ready. She had played her part perfectly, so much so that Carmilla almost believed they were just another couple in love and planning their dream wedding- which was another problem.

 

After the engagement party, Laura seemed to loosen up a bit and settle into her role better. First it was the cake tasting and  _ ooh look Carm ‘Black Forest Raspberry’ here have a taste, mmm definitely leaning towards this one, what do you think hon _ .  Then it was the florist and  _ I really love the peonies but I know you probably prefer something more classic like the calla lilies, I feel like we should combine them because the lilies are kind of elegant like you and the peonies are really bright and bubbly kind of like me, don’t you think they strike a good balance babe _ .  And finally it was the wedding invitations and  _ we should definitely go with something simple and clean, no frills, just like our relationship, don’t you think . _

 

Sure, Carmilla had always known that Laura was kind beyond measure, and impossibly brave, and always put up with Carmilla’s shit (by which she means never), and yeah of course she was beautiful, and pretty much the only person Carmilla could ever stand. She just didn’t know that all that meant that Carmilla was in love with her. Realizing she had always been in love with her best friend had certainly thrown her for a loop but no more than realizing that she had already let this farce go on for too long, claiming she had been afraid of her mother when in reality she had just been enjoying playing pretend with Laura.

 

Laura who has been the only constant in her life since pre-school. Laura who always knows the exact right thing to say whenever Carmilla is hard on herself. Laura who brought her coffee in bed every morning and left her cute notes on post-it's throughout the apartment where she knew Carmilla would see them. Laura who would share her bed whenever there was a bad thunderstorm because she knows how much Carmilla hates thunder. Laura who always encouraged her to follow her dreams, even when her mother said they weren't practical. Laura who is perfect and Carmilla who is an idiot to not have realized how sunk she's been for her since the very beginning. Carmilla never even stood a chance. Her whole life has been about loving Laura. The realization is sobering and life-altering.

 

Realizing she is in love with Laura is what gave her the push to decide that she needs to finally come clean and tell her mother everything. And maybe Laura doesn't feel the same but she doesn’t want to keep living a lie with her. She doesn’t want Laura as an unwitting participant in her love story. Doesn’t want to find herself in a wedding dress standing across from Laura on an altar, all because of a joke. She wants to have Laura for real, or quietly pine and settle for her friendship. The first step is being honest.

 

\--

 

Carmilla knocks on the door of her mother’s study and, upon hearing “Come in” said from inside, braces herself for a long conversation. Her mother’s study is impressive and intimidating and just standing there now is setting off Carmilla’s nerves. Her mother greets her with a smile, which she has been doing a lot recently and Carmilla can’t help but want to keep being on the receiving end of her approval, but she knows it won’t last after this conversation.

 

Her mother, sitting behind a huge oak desk, beckons her forward with a wave “Darling! Come in, come in. Shouldn’t you be looking at dresses?”, she says while checking her calendar to make sure she doesn’t have the dates mixed up. She never does.

 

She’s looking at Carmilla expectantly, waiting on an explanation that Carmilla doesn’t want to give her, “I had to cancel” is what she says.

 

Her mother looks confused, “What on Earth for? Certainly not for a visit”, obviously, to her, nothing is more important than the preparations for the wedding, “I’ve been on the phone all morning trying to secure the venue.”

 

This is it. She has to tell her, it’s already gone too far. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, “Mother we have to talk. Laura and I aren’t together, we never were, the proposal was all a joke and I never meant to let it go so far but you were so pleased I was afraid of how you would react and now…”, she exhales and trails off, not knowing how to continue. Across the desk there is only silence.

 

Carmilla opens her eyes, afraid of what she will see when she looks upon her mother’s face, bracing herself for thunder, but her mother is looking back at her calmly, no storms in sight.

 

“Darling”, she says in a level tone, “do you mistake me for a fool?”, her face betrays no emotion, “I’m well aware that your spur of the moment proposal was a joke, and I do use that word loosely.”

 

She can’t quite believe what she’s hearing. Her mother is just sitting there, calm as can be, admitting she knew the truth all along. She doesn’t look mad, or disappointed, or any of the other things Carmilla had prepared herself for. Instead she is looking at Carmilla as though she can’t understand what the problem is or why this conversation is taking place.

 

“If you knew the truth, then why go along with it? Why the whole circus at the gala? Why act like you’re over the moon about a fake engagement?”, Carmilla spits the questions out one after the other, barely taking a breath in between as her ire begins to rise.

 

Her mother stares at her, hard, before slowly placing both palms on the desk and pushing herself up to her full stature, “Oh my glittering girl, it wasn’t an act. I am elated”, she says moving to stand before Carmilla.

 

“ _ But it’s not real _ .”

 

“Who is to say? You’re in love with Laura, have been for a while. You just needed a little  _ push _ , if you will, which I provided, along with the help of Laura’s father”, she says, taking Carmilla’s hands, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. As if she’s talking about teaching Carmilla how to ride a bike and not about engineering an engagement, “Carmilla why are you here?”

 

Why is she here? Not to confess, apparently, “I wanted to tell you the truth. To stop all of this before it got even more out of hand. Only, I guess that isn’t really necessary. But I’m also here because I  _ do _ love Laura and I don’t want to carry on with this charade knowing how I feel about her and that she doesn’t feel the same.”

 

“Darling, regardless of your friendship, there is nothing holding Laura to this charade, as you so colorfully described it. She carried on because she wanted to,” she says, and she sounds so sure that Carmilla almost wants to believe her mother is right, because if she is, then that would mean that maybe it’s not a lie to Laura either, but the hope is too tentative to cling to. Carmilla has known Laura all her life, the girl doesn’t really keep things close to the chest. “Perhaps you should go speak to her, and let me get back to work. Don’t forget to reschedule the dress shopping”, she says as she makes her way back around the desk.

 

Having been clearly dismissed, Carmilla makes her way out of the study and back to her car. The conversation with her mother took a turn for the unexpected and left her with some churning thoughts about the nature of her relationship with Laura. She wants more than anything to grasp onto the hope her mother gave her but she doesn’t want to be let down if her mother is wrong. One thing her mother  was right about is she needs to talk to Laura.

 

\--

 

As she starts driving en route to the apartment, she sends a quick text to Laura to make sure she is going to be home. Her mother’s words play on a loop in her head while she does her best to convince herself that her mother is wrong. Despite her protests, her heart clings on to the hope and refuses to be dislodged.

 

Once Carmilla finally gets to her front door she has to take a second to brace herself on the doorframe and gather her bearings, before making her way inside, “Honey, I’m home”, she says, unable to resist.

 

“Hey babe”, Laura says walking out of her bedroom,” How’d it go with your mom? Do we need to go into witness protection?”

 

_ Babe _ . Was that new or had she always done that? Why had Carmilla never noticed before? She felt like she was seeing Laura for the first time now, “It went well actually. I told her that I had proposed as a joke and that we aren’t really together. She took it well”, she says, shoving her hands in her pockets and rocking back on her heels.

 

“Oh”, Laura is shocked, probably expecting a blowout, like Carmilla had been, “Well that’s good. That’s probably good.” Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes and she turns around quickly to sit on the couch. Carmilla joins her, the hope growing every passing second.

 

“She, uh, she said some interesting stuff though”, she looks at Laura, meeting and holding her gaze,”For example, she said she knew all along.”

 

“She what?!”, Laura reacts as expected, “Then why did she go along with it?”

 

“Turns out she  _ really _ wants me to settle down. She said I just needed a push, and that your father was in on it the whole time”, Carmilla nods, confirming to Laura what her mother said.

 

“ _ A little push _ ?  Your mom is unbelievable”, Laura shakes her head as if in disbelief, “And wait, my dad?! Oh my gosh Carm no wonder he took it so well! Why would he play along like that…”, she trails off looking at the floor as if it holds all the answers, her face bunching up in that adorable way it does when she’s angry.

 

“There was one more thing”, Carmilla stops and Laura looks at her and nods at her to continue,“She said that there was nothing really holding you to the lie. She said you carried on because you wanted to”, Laura looks down, breaking her gaze from Carmilla’s for the first time since they sat down,“And so I was thinking, if she was right, then maybe there’s no reason not to keep going”, Carmilla swallows hard as Laura’s head whips back up and her eyes bore holes through Carmilla.

 

“I mean”, Laura starts, tentatively, “I suppose that if you see no reason not to carry on then maybe we should. Our parents are both obviously on board and we did already pick out the flowers and the cake...”, she says, getting closer to Carmilla with each word.

 

Carmilla feels like her breath is trapped in her chest, “So maybe I should reschedule the dress shopping?”, she says, moving closer to Laura inch by inch, no longer looking into her eyes, but at her lips instead, and reaching out with one hand to grip her waist as the other settles on her cheek.

 

“Yea”, the words are merely a whisper as the space between their lips and bodies all but disappears, “maybe you should”, as they finally confess their love, not with words, because they don’t need them, but through the actions of their hearts.

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat about this story or anything else at duckiesurprise.tumblr.com


End file.
